We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
