if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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