I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my phone needs a breathalizer
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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