The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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