she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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