i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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