please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
