dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
