I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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