The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
