I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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