he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Boobs are out for the taking
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
