remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
