Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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