i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
