YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
