I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
