he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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