Jerry, you need to find god
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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