You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
