That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
