batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize