first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
