i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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