I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
