I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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