I am spending my child support on dildos
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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