Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
