Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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