to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
