Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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