So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
