i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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