I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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