Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
