I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
