You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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