He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
