lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
do herpes really smell.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
