i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
