my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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