i already hear my dad disowning me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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