so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
