Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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