We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Randomize
