We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize