you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
