It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
