So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
