youre lurking in front of me
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize