Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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