you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
