Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
