Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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