just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
