im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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