There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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