dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
