somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
