two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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