I love black thongs
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
