friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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