On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
