no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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