Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
