I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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