Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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