a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
