Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
even my farts smell like vagina
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
