im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
