I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
