the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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