Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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