I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
