Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
