hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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