The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
