He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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