I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
