the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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