I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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