i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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