Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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