How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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