A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
