she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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