I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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