we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
