I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
