got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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