Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I deserve this hangover.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize