I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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