just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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