I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
