Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
