I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My vagina just recognized that song.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
