This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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