So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
